I saw my oncologist yesterday morning. To be honest the way my surgeon was talking Chemo was not a foregone conclusion and so I didn’t really know what I was expecting – but I am going to have Chemo again. 6 cycles in total and hormone treatment after that. No mention of radiotherapy but I am not ruling that out either at the moment!
My oncologist was a lovely woman and very empathetic – so refreshing as they must have to be so hardened to their emotions that they can almost come across as being insensitive and uncaring. But not mine. I knew I was going to lose my hair again as the first part of the treatment has the same drug as before – as my oncologist said “my old friend”. But when she said it out loud I got upset and cried. I haven’t cried at all really through this whole thing so far. I am strong – I beat it once and I will do so again – but losing your hair is so visual and I just find that bit really hard to deal with. My oncologist got me tissues and put both her hands round mine and said “I’m so sorry” – which made me cry even more!! Any way – it is what it is and I will deal with it and I know it will grow back. On a positive side my eldest daughter is quite looking forward to choosing my wig for me – yes – for me!! God knows what she will pick! Keep a look out for photos!
I know that I seem to be making comparisons a lot and don’t mean to be flippant or to come across as if I know it all. I so definitely don’t know anything really. I can only compare what is happening to me this time as to what happened 13 years ago. It’s a bit of preparation for what can happen but this time my Cancer is so different and not at all linked or the same. But to have this disease once is bad enough so to have it for a second just seems so unreal, so unfair and I can’t believe that I am going to go through it all again. Are these thoughts selfish? Unrealistic? Inappropriate? – Perhaps.
My oncologist said my chemo would probably start in February to allow me a couple more weeks to recover – however, I got a phone call today to say that my first chemo is next Thursday 25th January. I am having a PICC line inserted on Wednesday 24th January as I have had lymph removal on both sides. How do I feel? – I’m worried, a bit scared of the procedure and the fact that it is going to be in situ for 6 months is a little worrying. Has anyone else had a PICC line? How did you manage? How did you shower?!
So it’s full steam ahead and Chemo should hopefully be finished by the end of May early June.