We have had some amazing weather since June time with high temperatures, lots of sunshine and time with family and friends making memories. Now we head into Autumn, spiced lattes and pumpkins, and am I allowed to mention the ‘C’ word yet?!! – 94 sleeps – that’s all I’ll say!!
Anyway, moving quickly on! Since I last updated, I have had my appointment with Respiratory regarding my lungs, and my routines scans. My lungs are still functioning well and I am on long term steroids. I have a home respiratory kit to self-test once a week and send the results to the hospital. Its very clever! I have put on a stone in weight which I am not happy about and it’s just won’t shift, but they are helping me breathe, so this should be the least of my worries! But it does matter!! My wonderful, previous choir master said ‘forget the weight, it is only the vehicle that houses the wonderful you’. And this somehow struck a chord with me. (No pun intended!!)
The anxiety coming up to my scans never gets easier and this time round it was harder due to having been off chemo for 12 weeks. I had my brain MRI first and unfortunately a wee unwelcome friend had popped in to stay for a while. I had been stable for 18 months – which in the words of Dr Herbert was ‘a good run’, so back to the head cage and gamma knife treatment I go! It was only 3mm but it doesn’t matter if it was 3mm or 30mm – it was there!!
I have had this done now a couple of times, so I knew what to expect, but bloody hell, this time it was so painful it almost took my breath away. I couldn’t help but cry. When I had calmed down a bit , I went back into the waiting room where Neil was. He took one look at me, and I burst into tears! I was aware of a slightly older lady also there with her two daughters. She had a large recent scar on her head, and I thought that if she was having this cage fitted for the first time and I’m a crying mess, it could make her even more anxious/scared. I apologised to them, and one of the daughters said not to worry and handed me a tissue! We then made jokes about medieval torture devices and Hannibal Lecter!! She wasn’t having the cage!!
Treatment was fine and only took about 10 mins. I have my next MRI in October, and fingers crossed the treatment has worked and I am stable again.
The following week I had my PET body scan. I was sure that if the cancer had come back in my brain, then it was bound to be back in my body. As we waited to see Prof Bahl, he looked at me and said he would be with us in a minute as he went towards the chemo suite. I said to Neil it was bad news as he was going to get a nurse as he didn’t like it when I cried!! So I readied myself. How wrong was I?! The results were great! Still no evidence of any cancer, and my lungs had improved. So I am to stay off the chemo and on the steroids and see what happens after the next scan.
I know that I will never be cured and that the cancer will come back, but for now, I’m OK!
Neil and I are currently on holiday, having some much needed R&R. We have had a wonderful relaxing time and back next week to normality. And the scanxiety begins again!
‘Sometimes, a fight you cannot win is still worth fighting’ – Gene Leun Yang
My Journey with Breast Cancer 