Hi – my name is Alison or Ali as my friends call me. I am 47 years old. I am new to blogging so please be patient with me! This is a work in progress and I am learning as I go!! (This picture is of me on New Years’ Eve 2017.)
I started off 2018 waiting for a left-sided mastectomy following my diagnosis of Breast Cancer at the end of November. Breast Cancer is not new to me as this is the second time it has paid me a visit. I was first diagnosed in 2005 at the age of 34 and had a right-sided mastectomy. So now for the first time since I was 11 years old I am flat chested again!
I decided to start this blog mainly for myself. To help me put my thoughts and feelings down to try and put them in an order to make some sense of what is happening again, but I also want to help anyone out there who may choose to read my blog for whatever reason and to share experiences both good and bad. If you are going through the same thing or a family member has been affected perhaps we can help each other along our journey.
So how did I feel second time around – No different from the first. All those same feelings came flooding back – the uncertainty, being scared, angry, pissed off and that question of Why. Why me? And why a second time? I also felt incredibly alone – and still do. I have a very loving family and fabulous friends but they don’t really understand what it feels like. The thoughts that go through your head every second of the day and you question your mortality. The scary thought that I might not be so lucky this time. But despite these feelings I have an inner confidence that I am going to be OK. My girls were 10 and 7 first time round and I said to myself that they will need their Mum in 10 years and so I fought – and I won. Now they are 22 and 20 and again I will fight this bastard a second time and I will beat it a second time. I will never give up that belief.
Today is 2 weeks after my operation and 7 weeks since my diagnosis.