A difficult week

Following on from my previous post I am still bloated and uncomfortable. Hopefully this will start to reduce before my next lot of chemo is due on 27th April.

I still have the aches and pains etc. but the worst part is the back pain and the fact that I have a continuous headache and sore neck. After publishing my last post I had a very difficult night on Wednesday. I’m not sleeping again and when I do I wake up early. I was up at 3:30 a.m. on Thursday morning and had a temperature of over 38 degrees. My back was in spasm, my head was pounding and I was in tears. A moment of feeling very sorry for myself. I should have gone to the hospital but although I was in pain I knew that there wasn’t anything seriously wrong so I took some painkillers and thankfully had a couple more hours sleep and felt a bit better when I woke. My nurse told me that I should have phoned the hospital and that if I had a temperature again that is what I have to do! Tut tut – knuckled wrapped and duly noted! But in hindsight I really wasn’t well and I should have followed the guidelines. Hopefully there wont be a next time but if there is then I will do the correct thing!!

As I tried to previously explain I cant really put my finger on how I am really feeling – but I know I am suffering with some mild side effects but I don’t feel ‘ill’. Certainly not ill enough to make me stop my day to day normal life or having to go to bed, but is more difficult and takes a lot more effort. I don’t like feeling like this, it’s not me, and it is hard to keep going when you are in pain the majority of the time and constantly tired.

My emotions are so close to the surface. It doesn’t normally take me much to cry but now I can almost cry on request! I went out with my girls yesterday to do some retail shopping and I cried about 5 times – not about anything specific but just had tears for no real reason!!

Today I had a competition in Sherbourne. It was an early start – picked up at 6:00 a.m. and late home – 8:30 p.m. However it was a good day as we came away with 1 gold medal and 2 silver medals. I was so proud of our gymnasts and it was good to see our hard work paying off. The parents and other coaches there were so supportive I actually felt like a bit of a fraud, but it is lovely to know that I have so many people looking out for me. So although it was a very long day it was a fulfilling one and it was a lovely way to end what has been a particularly difficult week for me.

I am hoping that I will begin to pick up over this week in preparation for my next chemo – so I am well and on form to start this cycle again. I don’t want to have chemo when I am not 100% as it may make me feel worse and as I’ve said before I am not used to feeling like this! But I will have to wait and see, and again it’s the fear of the unknown creeping in again.

Well that’s a quick update on things. I am now going to go to bed as I am actually shattered after today and it’s Monday tomorrow – so off to work!

Take care everyone and look after each other.