September 2018

So we are more than half way through the year and the summer has finished. What a fabulous summer we have had and now look ahead towards the end of the year!! In fact there are 40 days until Halloween, 🎃 45 days until Bonfire night 🎆and 95 days till Christmas!!🎅🤶🎄

I have had a lovely two weeks in Spain and feel well and truly rested but it felt like I was gone for a long time. I was glad to come back to my girls, Murphy and Luna and getting things back to normal whatever my normal is.

Wednesday was the 19th September and I would have been celebrating 14 years clear following my first cancer.

Today – I am 18 weeks clear.

Since the end of my treatment I have had dark days and have felt very alone and isolated. I am not in a good place – BUT no more. You know me! Another day, another new beginning. I am turning a corner. I am feeling more positive, with a new energy and motivation. I can see what I want to achieve and who I want to become. I am one of the lucky ones and should be grabbing life with both hands.

No-one can do it for me – but me.

When you are faced with a potentially life threatening disease, particularly cancer these feelings are completely normal. It’s only after all the treatment has finished that you can actually take stock of what you have been through and it is a huge thing to grasp and come to terms with, but yet it’s all over and you should be getting back to normal and move on. This can be hard. What is ‘normal’?How can you just forget everything that you have been through? Move on? But you can and you will. Give yourself time to process things and no-one truly understands this reality more than a survivor.

Yes – I am a survivor and I am so grateful that for me life goes on. I am feeling well, my hair is growing back well (albeit grey and it’s starting to curl!!) The hot flushes are still over whelming and I am still bloated from the steroids but it’s a small price to pay. I have started back at the gym, going back to Weight Watchers so this is the start of my new chapter and who knows where it will take me.

I know it is a cliche but life really is too short and you don’t know what is around the corner. You need to grab life with both hands and as my daddy said “life is not a dress rehearsal”.

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