Halfway

Sorry I have been a bit quiet of late but it has been a difficult few weeks and I have found it very hard to update my blog at this time. I haven’t wanted to go anywhere, do anything or speak to anyone. The nasal, cold/flu symptoms and fatigue took over and I found everything just so difficult to deal with. When you feel rested and have that additional energy everything is more manageable and I just didn’t have that.

I’ve said in the past “god i’m tired!” but this is different. Many of you will be able to relate – this ‘tiredness’, fatigue is all consuming. You just can’t carry on. You have to sleep, rest, lie down – you don’t have a choice. I realised I needed to do something when I nearly fell asleep at the wheel of my car.  So I am having some time off work and I am starting to feel more rested. But despite feeling so exhausted I am having trouble sleeping. I am on average getting approximately 5 hours of sleep. I still have pain in my legs which doesn’t help with my sleep – so – I am exhausted, not feeling 100% but can’t sleep!! None of this makes sense!!

My 3rd chemo was fine and I used the emla cream so it was a much gentler process this time!! I met with my oncologist to discuss my side effects, but there isn’t a huge amount that can be done. I need the drugs that cause the side effects so its how we can manage these symptoms. I will have another full body scan before my next chemo and review the results to see what the plan is – do we carry on as we are going or does something need to change?

I went to see my GP who signed me off work. He said to me ‘Don’t be a hero’. My family have said ‘Don’t be a martyr’ or reminded me that I am not ‘superwoman!’. I know they all have my best interests in mind and to be honest I didn’t think I was being but I know that I have been going about my life as if there was nothing wrong and I suppose at some time something was going to change. But I will not let this cancer beat me and take over my everyday life – I will not allow it to dictate to me what I can or cannot do – so I suppose taking things a little easier for a short while is a compromise that I am willing to take – for now!!

“Some days are just hard, but there is hope in tomorrow”