February has begun and Christmas is a distant memory. The long awaited January pay day has arrived and life carries on!!
My first body scan of the new year was on the 20th January. Whilst I remained hugely positive that everything was still okay, you can’t help those feelings of doubt, the fear and anxiety, the what if’s from creeping back in – no matter how hard you try to keep them out. My scan was done, I was radioactive again for a day and then more waiting! You never get used to the waiting. There is nothing you can do that will change the outcome, so why waste your precious time worrying over something you have no control? I can’t really answer that. No matter how positive you are, the fear of the unknown, of what is to come is always there at the back of your mind, in some shape or form.
Whilst I was waiting for my scan I started talking to a woman who was also there. This was her first scan and she was just starting her journey, with many questions and uncertainities. We talked for a wee while and it felt good talking to her, and hopefully it helped to ease her anxiety – even if it was only a little, which is also my aim through my blog – to be open and honest and to help inform and support.
So I only had to wait 2 days and Professor Bahl told me that ‘there is no evidence of metastases activity’ and I have had a ‘complete metabolic response’. I was so relieved – I have been given another reprieve. He said we don’t know when it will come back – it could be years, but he said ‘don’t take this the wrong way but live for today. Don’t worry about the what ifs’. It is hard not to worry about what comes next but he is right. If you continually worry about the what ifs you are not enjoying what is happening right now, this moment – because you will never get that back.
So a positive start to 2020 and long may it continue.
“Keep looking forward”