Half way through..

Sorry I havent posted for a while but it has been one hell of a week!

It was my third chemo last Friday the 16th March which marked the half way point through my treatment.

It is now 18 weeks since I found my lump, 16 weeks since my diagnosis and 11 weeks since my op.

My friend came with me instead of Neil and it was nice for a catch up and a girly chat. We were going out for lunch afterwards and meeting a couple of other friends and I was looking forward to some ‘normal’ time. So did my chemo go smoothly? – did it heck!! No surprise there then – this is me we’re talking about!

So to start with, my chemo was unfortunately delayed by an hour due to one lady having a reaction to her chemo so she took priority. These things happen and she was really quite poorly but she was well looked after and thankfully was ok.

There were problems with my PICC  line dressing so they tried one for sensitive skin. They don’t stick as well but it was pink and I quite liked it!! My nurse administered my drugs which were fine although I had a bit of a reaction to one of them – which hasn’t really happened before. My infusion is a combination of 3 drugs. One of them whilst being administered can make you feel woozy or give you a head rush like you have just jumped into a swimming pool and as it happened i felt really woozy and lightheaded, but thankfully it soon passed once the drug was finished. At the end of my treatment I noticed I had blisters around the edge of the dressing. My nurse wasn’t sure if was my line rubbing against my skin or whether it was the new dressing – as it definitely wasn’t there at the start! I  started out with 1 blister but I ended up with a little cluster of about 6! So we decided to go back to the original dressing. After two further attempts of applying the dressing, trying to dodge the blisters, I was sorted and ready to go!  So instead of being finished by 12.15pm it was 1.30pm.

These things happen and none of it bothered me and if I’d been with Neil or one of the girls it would have been fine but I was aware that I was with a friend and I felt a bit stressed and the need to keep apologising. I know she will be cross with me for feeling like this but she was absolutely fine and it wasn’t a problem however it made me feel a little uneasy!

Anyway – 3 treatments down and 3 to go.

Since Friday I  have felt well and thankfully no sickness and injecting myself is now a doddle!! I am however quite anxious about the next new drug. It is given by an infusion over a few hours – this does not worry me but the side effects can be more nasty, and I guess it’s the fear of the unknown. I will see my oncologist on Thursday and we will go into the new treatment in more detail, so I suppose I will just have to wait and see! I’m sure I’ll be fine and will continue to fight and carry on as normal. Even if I do feel rough I’ll keep going! You know me!!

So – I am pleased to be half way through my treatment. I am so glad to be on the other side of the hill, and on the homeward stretch. Some people have said it is going so fast and to be honest I can’t believe we are half way through March already. (What was that snow about!!) It has gone quickly I suppose, and although it’s only been 18 weeks since this all began I find it difficult to remember what I  was like before the end of November. It is all encompassing and it doesn’t get any easier.

Approoximately 10 more weeks – 3 more cycles – and hopefully this will all be over.

 But what then? Who am I then? What do I do? When you are going through treatment you have so many people involved in your life, appointments and people caring for you, but when it finishes and they no longer need to be a part of your life what do you do? Can I just be Ali again and carry on as if nothing happened? This is quite a scary time and yes I have been there once before – but you are now on your own. After months of treatment – and now there is nothing. You are back to ‘normal’. Am I?

And on that note I will leave this thought with you!!!